you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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