my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
