your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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