i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
