$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to sanitize my soul.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
