What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
