also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
