Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
