After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
