My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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