I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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