shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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