It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
