She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
