fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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