I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him