I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
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Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.