Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.