oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt