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I CAN MOONWALK!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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