You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me