Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
