She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
