Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
