we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
