You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
