i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
