You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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