i dont even know how to be here
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
