Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
