im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
