That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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