I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
