I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im about as happy as oj after his trial
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
