oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
