My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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