my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
God, I missed his penis.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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