SEEEEXXX PLEASE
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
