you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
