i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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