Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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