You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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