Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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