I want to walk on stilts...naked
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
