Your mouth is God's brothel.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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