having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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