Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
