I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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