guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
