I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
