where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
worst night to have a conscience
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
