I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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