So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
