he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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