oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
