I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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