i permit you to call me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
