i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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