Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My vagina is officially offended.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
