I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there's paper in my vomit.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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