You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
