we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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