His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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