This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
