Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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