Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
