the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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