She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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