Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
